Sex and Mysticism: A Video Slot-Machine Typology

Posted: May 1st, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Adam | 3 Comments »

Yesterday I had the singular pleasure of attending a fancy beer-tasting at a local casino, Twin Rivers, the only one in Rhode Island.  Due to some arcane blue law, pensioners and unemployed contractors in the Union’s smallest state are forbidden to piss their savings away on any mechanized gaming device save only the video slot-machine.  Upon entering this recently renovated money pit I was immediately bombarded with the smell of cigarette smoke and the dazzling light of some hundreds of gaming machines.  As a collection, these efficient impoverishment-izers display an aesthetic of amalgamated sex and exotic mysticism.  Egyptian, sea-faring, and black-magic-practicing hot chicks all pitch in to lure the unsuspecting Cranstonite into a videographic interface which promises riches through the ancient occult.  I bet $10.00, got $00.29 back.

3 Comments on “Sex and Mysticism: A Video Slot-Machine Typology”

  1. 1 noriega said at 7:35 pm on May 1st, 2008:

    They’d fare better if they amalgamated some of these. For instance, you’d be a total fool if you didn’t put your money on the Masked Brazilian Aztec Coyote Mermaid Queen from Valhalla.

  2. 2 dan f said at 10:24 am on May 2nd, 2008:

    you could make bingo boards with these a have a totally bitchin’ twin rivers bingo edition. call it out! WILD RUN? ooooo! BINGO! what?!? prove it old man jenkins you old goat! i was a nefertiti away from victory! damn you jenkins. damn you!!!!!

  3. 3 Slots said at 8:09 am on August 4th, 2008:

    I agree with Noriega – you had to put your money on the Masked Brazilian Aztec Coyote. Anyway, liked it!!!

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