an endless procession of juvenalia
Posted: September 8th, 2009 | Author: mnhs | Filed under: mike | Tags: magazines, no quarter, reading, unemployment, writing | 1 Comment »
ADDENDUM COURTESY OF MAGIC EIGHTBALL:

ADDENDUM COURTESY OF MAGIC EIGHTBALL:

Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, for I have sinned and am performing the only penance at hand: a forced mini-vacation in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
This is no sleepy hollow, nor is it but a stop on the Trucker’s Atlas. This is a one-stoplight relic of a town that sits somewhere between Hitchcock’s Bates roadside motel and a sun-soaked refuge for the weary, lost and flotsam of our modern age. There are twelve motels, two museums, one gas station and a 110-degree aquifer that broils the town from underfoot. A ditch in an outhouse is a bath; a ditch in the road is a sidewalk.
But what of the museums?

FACT*: There are more people alive today than have ever existed in human history.
FACT**: There are over 995,112 words in the English language.
FACT***: There are, according to scientific analysis, an indeterminable number of bands in the world, musical or otherwise.
CONCLUSION****: The number of untaken good band names should be somewhere between 10^6 and infinity, give or take a standard deviation or two.
Given these facts, how has society, masters and masses alike, fallen into the trap of repetitive and recursive derivatives of the known axioms that lead to successful band naming? And why do my band names always suck?
First, let us enumerate and explore our traditions: